you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
