you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
