It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize