Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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