Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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