Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
