i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
