You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
