Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
