I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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