Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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