That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
