Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
