I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
