in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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