"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
