I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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