I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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