if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
