I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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