Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
