well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
