a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
