Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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