my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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