at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
