I'm jealous of your bromance
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
