I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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