My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
