Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
