My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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