i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
