I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
