dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
