My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
