Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
