Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
