Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
