if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
