Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
