Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
God, I missed his penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
