told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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