Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
