You're a womanizer and a bitch.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
