Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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