Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
