How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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