is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
