ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Randomize
