I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
