New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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