No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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