I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
