i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
