I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
