He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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