just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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