she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Randomize
