We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dicks are not precious.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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