btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
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he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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