u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
