One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
