You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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