I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
