And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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