we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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