did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
