a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
