So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
