Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
