i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
