There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
