Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just google imaged poop.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
